This is the day it begins. The day we start to dismantle the Christmas tree. I know, I know, there are people out there that are shocked, shocked I tell you to think that someone has the audacity to leave the tree up until (yes, look it up) almost February. Well, if you are offended, get off my blog!
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love celebrating birthdays, therefore, why wouldn’t the celebration of my Lord and Savior’s birth (albeit, I’m sure it’s probably not the real date) be my favorite? Decorations are at least supposed to be left up until Epiphany (January 6) to fully celebrate the 12 days of Christmas and the arrival of the Wise Men. I realize that the tradition of the Christmas tree itself stems from pagan beliefs, but the beauty of the tree has always amazed and fascinated me. It’s the most beautiful thing I have in my home and I hate to only have it up for a month!
I am not one that decorates for every holiday, season, or sporting event. Where would I find the space to store such crap? I have a hard enough time keeping the kitchen clean, let alone trying to completely redo my home for each frickin’ Hallmark day they’ve invented.
Let’s cover some of the so-called holidays and decorating dilemmas:
- Groundhog Day, February 2. Maybe I should leave my tree up and have a faux groundhog that comes out from underneath the tree and doesn’t see a shadow. Besides, the only things I think Punxsutawney Phil is afraid of are the crowds and trying to spell his name. Can you imagine how you would feel if you were woken up out of a nice hibernation to be held up in front of a screaming, flashbulb popping crowd before you’ve even had a chance to pee? I think I would be showing more than fear for seeing my shadow!
- Lincoln’s Birthday, February 12. I should decorate for Lincoln’s birthday as I live in central Illinois and have grown up around his legend forever! What kind of decorations should I have up for that? Wouldn’t a better homage to President Lincoln be to emulate his love of reading by walking to the library and borrowing a book?
- Valentine’s Day, February 14. May I just say, I don’t really like the whole “heart-shaped” thing. That isn’t how a heart is shaped. The feast of St. Valentine has to do with martyrdom. The commitment to a belief that is so strong and powerful that you will die (most likely a horrible death) rather than denounce your faith. I’m afraid that this holiday has been so whored up and watered down that most people have no idea what it is really about aside from Reese’s heart-shaped peanut butter candy and getting laid. I think standing by my Christmas tree is a better honor to St. Valentine than putting up flashing pink lights.
- Washington’s Birthday, February 22. Hmmm…maybe instead of decorations, I could just honor those who fight for my freedoms and revisit the constitution.
- St. Patrick’s Day, March 17. Another feast day for a Saint. St. Patrick was kidnapped and held as a slave for six years in Ireland. He left and returned to Ireland as a Priest to bring the Celts to Christianity. Instead of drinking green beer to the point of oblivion, perhaps we should be practicing the forgiveness that St. Patrick displayed. This one is pretty easy though. St. Patrick allegedly used the clover leaf to teach parishioners about the Holy Trinity. There is also a legend about driving the snakes out of Ireland, but I think any hostility against our legislators would be frowned upon.
- April Fools’s Day, April 1. A lot of people would say if I left my Christmas tree up, I would be a fool. Maybe I could say I’m decorating for this day!
- Earth Day, April 22. I think that creating disposable decorations for this day would just be an insult.
- Administrative Assistants’ Day, the Wednesday of the last full week of April. HA! I am no longer one of these! I think the best decoration for that day is a sign on the “Administrative Assistant’s” desk is “Do it your damn self!”
- Arbor Day is often the last Friday in April. Again I find a reason to leave my tree up!
- Mothers’ Day, second Sunday in May. I will address Mother’s and Father’s Day as one. There are no decorations for these days. Clean your room and be quiet. All Moms, Dads, Aunts, Uncles, and God want is quiet and for you not to break anything else.
- Fathers’ Day, third Sunday in June.
- Parents’ Day, fourth Sunday in July.?????????????????????????????????
- Grandparents’ Day, Sunday after Labor Day. Just call or go see your Grandparents. You are all they have left. They alienated your parents by doing what grandparents do best, letting you run wild, spoil you, fill you with red dyes and sugar, and then send you home.
- Columbus Day October 12. I will be hanging signs about remembering to get your vaccinations and updating your GPS devices on this day.
- United Nations Day, October 24. I will be posting a public statement about an upcoming embargo upon my local city council. I will give them two years to correct the problems. If they do not, I will post a nasty letter in the paper.
- Halloween, October 31. Ahh…I think everyone has decorations for this one down pat. Well, maybe not. I believe the costumes were supposed to make wearers blend in with the spirits that were out that night, so they would not be harmed by the evil spirits. I don’t think that “Princess Barbie” is going to blend in very well in that realm.
I will bow to convention today and begin the painful task. I know our cat Gracie will be quite disappointed when it is gone. Where will she stalk us from? I told my Husband that if we ever win the lottery, I will have a “Christmas Room”. I will have the room decorated, a big comfy chair, fireplace, scents, and music that will all turn on when I open the door, like the refrigerator.