“We accidentally had sex”

This is really better for “Hump Day”.

I have heard this phrase used on reality shows, talk shows, scripted evening shows, and daytime soap operas. I have never quite figured out how one ‘accidentally’ has sex with another person. This is bothering me today.

My Husband and I were having our lunch today as I watched a soap opera to which I have become attached. Since we work together in our clock shop and I fix the lunch, he is subjected to it as well. Today, two people had sex that don’t belong together. I know that may shock some of you, but it does happen from time to time. We surmised that when they are found out they will use the excuse that they had sex “accidentally”.

How does one have sex accidentally? “Excuse me honey, but we were just talking and out of nowhere, her vagina just grabbed my penis and began gyrating!” I can’t see that flying. I can’t imagine being able to turn off my consciousness and suspend my cognitive abilities long enough to not realize that my clothes have been parted, as well as my legs, and then suddenly become aware. Oops, I believe I’ve just had sex with someone. Now, I am clumsy, but come on people!

For several hours this afternoon, I kept trying to come up with scenarios where one might have sex by accident. The only one I could come up with was if you were perhaps riding a special “Nude” bus, using the hand bars (because it is full of naked people). Then just at the moment you had to bend over to pick up the bible you dropped, the driver slammed on the brakes as you entered a ‘slow speed’ area and the gentleman behind you (alert and erect) was thrown forward with enough force to enter your vagina. Then, before the two of you could disentangle yourselves from this awkward predicament, the bus driver kept hitting the inappropriately spaced speed bumps for the next mile or so.

Any other ideas?


8 responses to ““We accidentally had sex”

  1. So you’re a prefectly normal cow-birthing consultant, who just happens to give away bibles in your spare time. You’re rushing to catch the nude bus, excited and all – your blood pressure is up – making running only a little awkward, but at least you know where you are going, and you trip and fall on the lady who stumbled in front of you. That bus never slows down. Unfortunately the six linebackers behind you make things even more complicated, since your briefcase of bibles and lube samples happen to spill out. Before you know it – you’re having to make introductions and get all the phone numbers and addresses so you know where to send the thank you notes. Accidental sex is the worst.

  2. Alright to first address your nude bus scenario. “Then, before the two of you could disentangle yourselves from this awkward predicament, the bus driver kept hitting the inappropriately spaced speed bumps for the next mile or so.” How sad that even accidental sex could be so fast and, presumably, unsatisfying. LOL

    I have also always been troubled by people who make these statements. I have yet to fall into sex and I have fallen A LOT!!! Even when intoxicated, I remembered making the decision to have sex. Of course, I have never been randomly naked on a bus load of conveniently erect men bending over to pick up a dropped Bible. You know if I were to fall, I would fall there. LOL The excuse of “accidental sex” is just that…an excuse. It is a way to absolve them of responsibility for an act that they knew that they should not be participating in. They let their animal hind brain take over and just went where the hormones led. As for those whose “accidents” lasted the length of a weekend, well, there is no excuse for them.

  3. How bout…… guess what the real reason that McDonalds has that hot coffee warning? Well one day a lady ordered a cup of coffee at the counter and as she went to sit at her table she spilled the coffee in her lap, soaking her underpants. She was taken into the back office to remove her clothes and cool her lap in front of a fan until the ambulance arrived. The manager had been in the bathroom when an employee ran in and screamed that there was an emergency. The manager rushed out without completely fastening his pants and ran for his office. He runs in, tripping over the fan that had previously been blowing on the woman’s ,now feeling much better, exposed bits, where he falls into her vagina. I’m not sure how it would continue but I suppose once he was there they looked at eachother and decided to finish the job.

  4. HA HA! I really and truly had to laugh at this post. I agree. Accidentally. How about “I regret we had sex” or ” Ooops! We got busted having sex”???? Sigh…some people never, ever learn. As far as ideas go…the phrase iteself is a distancing tactic. Distancing themselves from the act and therefore the repurcussions. It comes down to social responsibility.
    But hey…I am soooooo using that line. It never occurred to me to do that! Thanks SIstah and WELL WRITTEN and this one—HILARIOUS!

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