I know I shouldn’t share, but damn I had a rough day. It actually started last night when I heard a rock tumbler in the bedroom. We don’t have a rock tumbler. I then became aware it was coming from my body, and upon the realization, the race to the bathroom began. Luckily for me, the bathroom in our bedroom is about 15 feet from my side of the bed. That was the beginning of a long night for me.
I should have known what the night would be like,as I returned to the bed, after the first of many evacuations, Gracie decided to take a ‘pony run’ at me and give me a surprise ‘love bite’. I screamed which set off our Cockatoo, Murphy, into a terror-filled squawking episode, which started the dog barking, and Wil yelling at everyone to shut up. I did sleep fitfully after about 1 AM, rotating between visitations to the bathroom and waking up frightened from dreams that I may not have made it in time.
By this morning, I felt as if I had been reincarnated as a young slave boy owned by a group of Greek philosophers on a party night. Using my wits, I thought the best thing to have for breakfast was yogurt. I think that was a pretty intelligent choice, except for passing by the Luscious Lemon to go with the mixed berry blend. The next genius move was being health conscious and adding two and a half teaspoons of Chia seeds. They are wonderful, on a normal day.
I actually post this as a warning to my fellow humans. Eat the plain yogurt. Fuck healthy eating. I learned so many things today. I learned that jellyfish can swim up your plumbing, sting your anus. I learned that you can take your heartbeat by counting the number of times your sphincter throbs in a minute. I also learned that Chia seeds can pass through the human body within two hours and seem to have barbed wire wrapped around them by then.
I didn’t even have any sugar free gummy bears.