I want to start off thanking my friends and family that held me in their minds, hearts, and prayers today. Mom passed away on Easter of this year and Mother’s Day is here. I decided early on to bow out of going with my Husband to celebrate Mother’s Day and his Father’s Birthday with his family. I didn’t want to take away from the joy of their day and I also didn’t want anyone walking on eggshells around me today. I turned down a lovely dinner invitation as well. I didn’t know how I would feel today. Would I be solemn? Would I be breaking down and crying most of the day? What would I feel today?
I have to say that yesterday was much harder than today. A good friend asked my Husband to substitute for a member of their pool team at a tournament yesterday and wanted me to come as well. I enjoy going and I think she wanted to make sure I was doing something yesterday. Maybe I broke because I was so tired from my medication. Maybe it was the anticipation of Mother’s Day and not knowing how I was going to feel or do and I was not going to have my Husband with me. He, of course, took the brunt of the crying and yelling, but sometimes, dog gone it, he sure seems to ask for it! I planned to do some sewing, some laundry, color my hair, some worthless TV watching, a good deal of nothing. Keep it simple.
My Husband was leaving early to see his family, so I puttered around while he was getting ready and decided to paint my nails. I painted my toes a dark color with a gold accent nail, and tipped my fingers in OPI Miss Piggy. That always makes me smile. After he left, I made some breakfast and settled in for a couple of episodes of Bridezillas. I know it’s an awful show, but it’s mindless and makes me remember what a great bride I was for our wedding! 🙂 I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to change the bed linen for the summer sheets. I opened all the windows, turned on the fans and loved the feeling of the gentle air through the house. I noticed the wonderful smell and feel of the flannel sheets as they came out of the dryer, held them, closed my eyes, and let myself be taken away by the freshness. Simple.
A theme emerged for me today. Enjoy the simple luxuries today. The ones we seem to miss day to day in our busy lives. So I set out to enjoy as many of the simple things I loved today. I felt like that would honor my Mom. She was at heart, a simple woman. Not that she was not intelligent by any means, but she enjoyed the simple things in life. She loved to grow things more than anything else. Her garden was her pride and joy and she could grow anything. Anything but blueberries, she said. Growing up, we had a garden of about a half acre all put together. We planted 150 tomato plants per year, potatoes, green beans, onions, radishes, lettuce, corn, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, and those were just the vegetables. We had a huge strawberry patch, rhubarb, grapes, blackberries, cherries, apples, and pears. My best memories are of the smells of the cherry blossoms, lilacs, the gentle caress of the breezes across the fields, and the sounds of the crickets and the leaves of the trees in the night.
I made a gallon of brewed tea and poured myself a pint Ball jar of iced tea. My favorite glass. We canned so much growing up that there were always canning jars around and when you took a jar outside, you had a lid to keep the bugs out. There is nothing like a jar of iced tea on a hot day. This day was heating up. I closed the windows and turned on the air conditioning. I have a previous post publicly proclaiming my love for the inventor of the air conditioning system. I worked on a sewing project that I have in the works and instead of throwing a torn flannel sheet away, I have decided to try to make a night shirt out of it. The flannel is so soft and it will feel wonderful.
Then something wonderful happened to my day. The rain. I looked around and the lilacs my Husband had gathered for me were wilting and with a storm coming, the bushes next door might get battered. I went out to the shop and got the pruning shears and cut some fresh lilacs in the gentle rain. I held them up to my face and breathed the amazing fragrance of the blooms as deeply as I could. They sit in a place where I walk by and can enjoy them for the next few days. Simple.
I sat on the porch with my jar of tea, watching the rain, reveling in the tumbling thunder. I decided to do something I haven’t done in years. I got out of my comfy seat, climbed down from the porch and walked out in the rain. The cold drops falling on me brought me back to my childhood, spinning with my arms out in the rain. Walking though puddles and jumping the deep ones. I miss my Mom, but it would be selfish of me to feel sad that she isn’t here. If she had survived the event that took her life, she would be unable to live at home with my Sister, and have been so unhappy that she would have wished for death. I know she happier than we could ever imagine, she is at her best health, and at her finest age and fitness. I will see her again and she will be the Mom that I want to visit with, not the woman-child wrapped in fears from the past, wrapped in a fragile husk of flesh in which we all are burdened. So, all in all, it was one of the best days ever.